Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It's a different way of thinking

I was reading some of the introductions to a few friend pages on sparkpeople.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO JOIN SPARKPEOPLE.COM! GO DO IT NOW! Then come back and read the rest of this.
So I came across a new friend on my page and here was her intro
"
Finding Bella!


I've been told that I'm ugly, I believe this. I've been told I'm beautiful, I don't believe this. What is my point here? Because I believe I'm ugly, I do ugly things e.g. disregarding my health, stuffing my emotions, etc. For the record, more people often than not have told me I'm pretty but it's the people who've told me that I'm ugly that have taken over my heart and mind. I'm trying to change this. I'm trying to let it be, in the famous words of John Lennon! I forgive myself for neglecting my health and treating myself like crap. I thought losing weight was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but forgiving myself and others is what's the hardest thing to do. I feel like I've wronged myself more than others have wronged me, and that I've not wronged others as much as I've being wronged, but that is not true. When I was in pain, I did some foolish and mean things to people who cared for me and who were innocent, for that I'm sorry and will and have made restitution to those people as best I can. I've had a sense of entitlement because I've been hurt and my pain demanded accountability. I've shared that I've had some things happen to me that shaped the way I viewed my body but my body is not mine to misuse. I am God's vessel. I'm done with regrets, anger and it's odious relative, resentment. For me, it's about feeling my emotions and processing them in an appropriate manner. All this time, I've been thinking that weight loss would be the cure all for loving myself but the truth is, losing weight is a way for me to gain love from others and myself, because I think I'm ugly. It's a double edged sword that I have to lose weight not because I'm ugly and don't deserve love but because my health is at stake. I've lost eighteen pounds but I've had setbacks. Why? Well, I can attribute some of this to not getting the praise I deserve from people I love. I know it takes time to notice weight loss, but I want my Mom to be proud of me. I used to think I hate her but I don't. I love her because she gave birth to me, and deep down I think I'm all that and a bag of chips. We all have our reasons for our behavior and I believe we act certain ways due to hurts in our past. I was so consumed by my own pain, that I didn't think about my Mom's pain, my Dad's pain, my sister's pain, etc. I believe that life is about feelings and while feelings can be fickle, feelings are a part of us and who we are. The weight loss portion of this journey of mine can be read in my blogs and on the Goals and Program section of this page."

Don't you want to hug her? I do. I think we all need to step back from this weight loss journey thing and take a good look at ourselves. Look at what we do have. I can tell you I have my skin, my eyes, 10 fingers, 10 toes, laugh lines, a smile, all the things I SHOULD be looking at in that mirror. Yes I am overweight. Yes I'm unhealthy. But I'm me. My image was inspired by GOD. He made me exactly the way I should be. I need to take care of it but it feels good to know that I HAVE LIFE. I have a beating heart under all of this. I have lungs to take in oxygen. Can you make a human? I know I can have a baby but I can't speak a child into existence. I can't make their heart beat. I can't make their liver work. I can't make their stomach digest. I AM A MIRACLE IN ACTION. So what does that make me? BEAUTIFUL. Never forget you are a miracle. Never forget you were spoken into creation. Never forget your life has a purpose. It's not about that mirror. It's about loving life.
My reply to her

"I was reading your intro and I honestly just want to hug you right now. I spent years looking into a mirror asking why my sister was so beautiful and God made me so ugly. My husband could tell me I'm beautiful all he wanted but the mirror didn't lie to me. After praying and handing my weight over to God I saw a new image. I looked in the mirror and I saw God's creation. Skin, eyes, a beating heart, laugh lines, 10 fingers, 10 toes. A child of God is never an ugly thing. Yes you need to lose weight for your health but never look in that mirror and feel like you deserve anything less than what God wants to give you. And every day He gives you another day. Another day to take care of yourself, another day to nourish your body with food that will keep you healthy, a new day to get out realize the ground under your feet and the sky above your head. The devil wants you to doubt yourself and your relationships. But I can tell you that the fact that you can look in that mirror and want to change... makes you beautiful. "

That's my message to all of you today. Take control of your life, not your weight. Enjoy your life. This is your existence. This is your one chance. Love it for everything it's made available to you.
Peace.

1 comment:

  1. Dalin' I am right there with you on this one!! GREAT motivational Post!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete